Today is December 21st, 2023. It also happens to be the winter solstice, which means it is the shortest day and, consequently, the longest night of the year.
I have put off writing this post for over a week now, and I think there is a mixture of reasons behind the procrastination. First is simply due to grief. Last Friday, my family tragically lost the second loved one in just a matter of weeks. I literally just left the gravesite where my family said their last good-byes to the earthly vessel of one of our own, and I am still struggling to make sense of it all.
The second reason is more subconscious, I believe. I feel like the subject matter of this post is so important, and I know that I will not have the words to adequately express what I have felt led to share. No matter how hard I have tried to organize my thoughts, they seem to scatter as soon as I think I am ready to begin writing, so I am just forging ahead in spite of my ineptitude.
And the third reason for waiting so long to write this is, I think, simply because it is a topic that hits so close to home.
Even before tragedy struck my family, I had already been compelled to hold a prayer and worship service tonight called “The Longest Night.” The truth of the matter is that I know from firsthand experience this time of year is an incredibly difficult time for so many people. Some are grieving the loss of loved ones, some are overwhelmed by the stressors of this world such as finances or family strife, and then there are others who are oppressed by the weight of loneliness and melancholy.
Just a few years ago, I faced Christmas with anything but joy following a failed adoption. What should have been the most joyous of times where I got to celebrate my first Christmas as a mother was instead a season that brought an empty crib along with a level of despair and melancholy that I didn't even know could exist in this world. Had it not been for the constant love and encouragement from friends and family, I am not sure that I would even still be here.
You see, when you are in the middle of your own personal “longest night,” the enemy can convince you that the darkness will never end. You start to believe that things will always be this way, and you cannot for the life of you seem to find the light in the midst of the despair. Even in a crowded room, you can feel so alone.
At the worst of moments, my body physically ached from the weight of the pain. At the best of times, I just felt numb. I remember a point where the sheer depth and magnitude of the loneliness truly frightened me because I did not think I would ever be able to climb out of it.
Oh, but for the grace of God! John 1:4-5 states that “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (NIV). Even in death, the darkness does not last forever nor can it overcome the light when we have the hope of salvation!
I know that there are people right now as I am typing this who are desperately fighting to find the light in the middle of your own night that seems to have no end, and my heart aches for you. I just want you to know that if you can just hang on a little longer, the sun will rise again and you will feel its warmth once more. You are not stuck in this season forever - you are simply going through it.
As I was writing just now, Isaiah 58:8-9 rose up in my spirit:
“Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: ‘Here am I.’”
In just those two verses alone we have so many great promises:
The darkness will not last
Our healing will appear quickly
The glory of the Lord will protect us
The Lord will answer when we cry out to Him for help
And those promises are available to all of God’s children who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior.
Friends, I feel the need to rebuke the spirit of suicide or depression that may be trying to oppress someone tonight. You do not want to die - you just want the pain to stop. Please reach out and talk to someone. Please do not believe the lie from the enemy that you are worthless or a burden to your family. God has a purpose and a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11), and the enemy’s purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). So of course he is going to lie to you and try to convince you otherwise.
As I draw to an end, I am keenly aware that my words are not eloquently expressing all of my thoughts and feelings on this subject. Just as I had feared all along, I feel as if my thoughts are scrambled and I am having a difficult time getting everything to flow smoothly. I am asking the Holy Spirit to please fill in any gaps and supernaturally smooth over the rough edges of this post so that I do not distract from His message in any way.
I am also asking those of you who may feel alone or lost in a night that seems to have no end to please know that Papa God sees you and He hears you. He will come to your rescue if you will simply call out to Him in your time of need! Reach out to those around you and ask them to pray with you. You are not alone in this. The night may seem so very dark, but that just means God’s light can shine even brighter, so please don’t ever stop looking for the light. And if you are not struggling with anything in this season of life, then please make sure that you are being the light to those who are searching.
I want to end with a prayer:
Lord, I thank you for your promises that you hear us when we cry. I thank you that even death has no hold on those of us who have given our lives to you. I plead the blood of Jesus over every individual who may be reading this tonight. We bind the spirit of depression and suicide in Jesus’ name and declare that it has no hold over us! Papa, help us to keep fighting. Let a joy and a hope rise up in us in the midst of the night that makes no sense to man. Give us the words to encourage those around us who may be walking through their own longest night, and help us to point them in love to the Light of the World, Jesus Christ. Thank you for walking with us and holding our hands every step of the way. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen!
If you or anyone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or emotional distress, there are so many resources out there. Do not suffer in silence. Please call 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline right now to get help.
As always, we pray that the Lord blesses you greatly and that you forever look to Him as your personal guide and Savior as we all continue to travel between two worlds. 🤎
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