A Dream and A Decision
This past Saturday night, I had a dream from the Lord. (For those who may not know me, the Lord often speaks to me in dreams. I don’t mean that in a self-righteous, holier-than-thou way. I honestly think it’s because the only time that He can get me to stop overthinking everything and just listen is when I am sleeping, haha.) In this dream, I was faced with an important decision. I’m not talking about picking out an outfit or deciding what I was going to cook for dinner. This was one of those decisions that would ultimately change the trajectory of my life, and I knew I had to choose wisely.
I remember talking to my mom at one point in the dream about the choice I was faced with making, anxiously weighing my two options out loud. I described the first option as safe and certain, while the second, being unpredictable and somewhat dangerous, made me apprehensive about the potential future it might bring.
Faced with those options, the decision should have been easy. However, my heart was strangely drawn to the riskier second option, complicating matters. Mentally exhausted, I wearily said to my mom through tears, “I honestly and truly just do not know what to do.”
At some point, I found myself praying and asking the Lord as to what I should do. (I know…why did I not simply go to Him first in the dream? It seems like my dream persona is as flawed as I am in real life.) Just as I had done with my mom, I listed out the pros and cons of my two options to Jesus, carefully providing my commentary on how each choice could potentially affect the future.
Yes, you read that correctly. I was telling Almighty God, the One who created the past, present, and the future, how these two options would ultimately turn out as if I knew the outcome. Embarrassing, I know.
While praying, the one thing I kept coming back to was that the first option seemed to provide a secure future, while the second option was so uncertain. It was at that moment that I heard God audibly and very clearly speak to me: “But I never called you to live a life of security.”
And just like that, my heart was immediately filled with peace. Tension released from my body, allowing me to take a deep breath for the first time in ages—both in the dream and reality. The inexplicable draw to the second option became clear; it defied human logic, but the Lord was guiding my steps, transcending human understanding. Suddenly, the fear of choosing a less secure path vanished.
Upon waking, I sensed a divine message in the dream, bringing profound solace to my soul regarding our family's mission and future. It had definitely been a "God dream," as I refer to them, and the comfort it provided felt like a refreshing rain in a prolonged drought.
So why am I sharing this dream?
First of all, I want you to clearly know and see that I have so many, many flaws, and I felt like you should know that my inability to make a decision in real life is truly debilitating at times. (Just ask my husband, God bless him.) A people-pleaser from birth, I have lived in fear of making the wrong decision my entire life. And no, my parents or upbringing are not to blame. They did everything they could to help me overcome the fear of making a mistake. I was the one putting unnecessary pressure on myself.
As I have grown closer to the Lord throughout my life, I have come to believe that my struggles with anxiety are simply because the enemy knew that I had a calling on my life and tried to paralyze me with fear from a young age. If he could fill me with fear and indecision, then he could stop me from making a difference for the kingdom of God. And, to be honest, his tactic has worked for many years.
The second reason I am sharing is because I want you to see first hand the love that Papa God has for us, even when we are deeply flawed. He knows that I struggle with fear and the need for security, and yet He took the time to speak peace to me in a dream. He could have rebuked me for my lack of faith, but He chose to lovingly express assurance when I needed it. His reasoning for doing that has nothing to do with me or anything I have done. I am no more worthy of His attention than the next person. I have just learned to open my heart and listen when He speaks.
Another reason I am sharing this dream is because I feel that the message the Lord was sending to me is one others may need to hear: I don’t have to be afraid as long as I am walking hand-in-hand with Him. He is my security. Not a job, not a retirement plan, not the government, not the economy, not a savings account, not a home, not even my husband.
Papa God did not call me to live a life of security, because He alone is the only thing in which I can ever truly feel secure. Proverbs 3:24-26 says: “You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap” (NLT, emphasis added).
I am often so afraid to make a decision because I don’t know if it is God’s perfect will or His permissible will, and I just don’t want to make a mistake. But the longer I walk with Him, the more I’m inclined to believe that even if I miss His perfect will in the midst of me truly trying to follow Him, He sees my heart and because of His love for me, He will still bring beauty from the ashes.
Now, let me make it clear that I am not condoning a lifestyle where you live haphazardly doing whatever you please with a laissez-faire attitude of, “Oh well, if it’s meant to happen, then it will happen.” I also want to clarify that I am not talking about you going with a decision that contradicts God’s word or goes against something He has already told you. And just to be crystal clear, I am not talking about relying on your own feelings or thoughts to try and decipher the will of God.
I’m referring to a situation where you are consistently in the Word, have a living breathing relationship with God, and yet even after prayer and seeking advice from wise Christian counselors, you still struggle to know which choice is His best choice for you.
Those are the moments in life where I think that the Lord has grace for us when we inadvertently choose incorrectly. Yes, sometimes making the wrong choice comes with consequences that we have to live with for various reasons. But I believe that even when we miss it, for those who love the Lord, He will bring it all back together for our good and use it as a lesson that only makes us stronger. And I don’t think that sentiment is just wishful thinking on my part, because Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).
I felt compelled to share this dream and message with you because I thought perhaps you, too, are faced with your own decision right now that leaves you wringing your hands and dejectedly saying, “I honestly and truly just do not know what to do.”
Decision-Making Disclaimer
I was almost hesitant to write this newsletter, because I know how vulnerable these moments of ambivalence can leave us. So desperate for a word, we can sometimes try to find meaning in every little thing. That stop sign that I just drove past was red? The school colors of the college I’ve been praying about are red, so that must mean I’m supposed to go there!
I get it. It comes from a good place, because you just want to do what God wants. But that’s why it is so important that we know God’s word and His voice. Otherwise, we are susceptible to being thrown about “to and fro” like Ephesians 4:14 says. So, if you are currently in a situation where you are trying to make an important decision, I wanted to stress that you please be careful when reading this and applying it to your own life.
But on the other hand, if you know that you have heard from the Lord and the only thing holding you back is the fear of the unknown in the direction He is calling you to walk, then don’t be afraid to make the choice that seems a little insane based on man’s logic alone. In fact, know that you are in good company.
Noah looked pretty ridiculous until the floods came. Elijah seemed crazy until the rain began to fall. John the Baptist ate bugs and wore camel’s hair as clothing. If you know that you know that you know, don’t let something as insignificant as the fear of what man may think hold you back from fulfilling God’s call on your life.
Somewhere along the way we have been taught that a life with Christ should be safe; that a life of ease awaits those who follow Him. And while it is true that our eternal salvation will always be safe with Him when we truly accept Him as our Lord and Savior, there will never be anything “safe” about a life this side of Heaven simply because we live in a broken world. Jesus Christ himself said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NLT, emphasis added).
Final Thoughts
In closing, when reflecting on what it means to embrace a life of uncertainty in order to follow Jesus completely, I am reminded of the young girl, Susan, in C.S. Lewis’ fictional novel, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. When Mr. Beaver is describing Aslan, the king, to the children, Susan is surprised to discover that Aslan is a lion. She had envisioned him to be a man all this time. Susan, Mr. Beaver, and her older brother Peter engage in the following conversation:
“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.
“Safe?” said Mr Beaver. “Don’t you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
“I’m longing to see him,” said Peter, “even if I do feel frightened when it comes to the point.”
Planning to move halfway around the world in order to build and maintain lives and ministries in two separate continents (in this unstable economy and turbulent global dynamics, no less) doesn’t exactly land at the top of the most logical decision our family has ever made. Trust me, I get why people would question if we are making the right decision. But until we hear differently from the Lord, that’s the goal we keep running towards.
Is there anything safe about this option? Absolutely not. Can we be assured that a life of security awaits us? No way. But we can have peace, because Papa God is the full embodiment of a King who is everything good in this world and beyond.
I think that as believers in Christ, none of us has truly been called to live a “secure” life. That’s the lie the world has tried to sell us and subsequently the reason we become so disillusioned in our faith the first time something happens that rattles the safety nets we have tried to create in vain. Until we are willing to lay down our security as a sacrifice unto the Lord, I don’t think we can ever fully walk in the perfect plans that He has for our lives.
My prayer for you today, friend, is that like Peter in C.S. Lewis’ novel, you would always long to see Papa God and the life He has for you, even if you are a little frightened. And that like Noah, Elijah, John the Baptist, and scores of other heroes of the faith, you would always be willing to exchange your unwavering obedience for a bit of security in this world, knowing that in surrendering the comforts of this world, you position yourself to receive the heavenly reward that awaits the faithful and obedient servants of the Lord.
As always, I pray that the Lord blesses you greatly and that you forever look to Him as your personal guide and Savior as we all continue to travel between two worlds. 🤎