Bem-vindos de volta, amigos!
That is Portuguese for “welcome back, friends!” We hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you were able to spend time with your family and loved ones.
We wanted to share a little about who we are in order to provide you with some context to our story. This is a delicate balance, because we want to paint a picture of who we are and what our lives are like, but we also know there is a thin line between informing and oversharing. On top of that, you also have the vulnerability that naturally comes with sharing things about your life with others. This post is a little longer than what we anticipate our newsletter will typically look like. However, we felt that we needed to let you know more about where we come from with the hope that you will better understand where we are going. I hope that you can bear with us and read to the end, because I feel as if there is a word that you need to hear towards the end, especially.
We also thought that you should know that we both will be writing and contributing to this newsletter at various points. To help clarify the narrator of a particular post or section of a post, we will simply go by our initials, “J” (the husband) and “L” (the wife).
Humble Beginnings - J’s Testimony
I am a twin and one of 9 children, with no college or university degree. I was born and raised in Mozambique, Africa, by a single mom in a non-Christian home. You might be surprised to learn that the practice of witchcraft and worship of our ancestors was the norm in our household and community. Instead of seeking the God of Abraham, I grew up in a culture where we were taught to conjure and consult the dead for wisdom and good fortune. I grew up with six of my siblings, as two of the oldest had already moved out and started families of their own by the time I was old enough to remember. More than three decades of my life have passed, and I still have never met my biological father.
As a child, I remember my mom moving us from city to city, town to town, village to village trying to give us a better life. In 2001, when I was 11 years old, we moved to Manhangane (pronounced “mawn-yawn-gone-ee”), a remote village about a four hour drive south of the capital. We arrived with nothing to our name and barely more than the clothes on our back. As a result, we had to depend on the kindness of strangers to even have a roof over our head. My mom and seven of us kids stayed on one side of a one room house with a family we had never met before. A curtain strung across the room was the only privacy we had. My mom worked hard to provide for us, and she always made sure we had at least one meal to eat each day, but there were many days where that one meal was a single mango for each of us.
I remember a particular time when I was around 12 years old when my mom was away for a couple of days working in another village in an effort to earn money for our family. Driven by hunger and the need to provide food for our three younger sisters, my twin brother and I stole a small portion of rice and beans from a local barraca (small shop). I am not proud of that moment, nor do I glorify the sin of my actions, but I wanted you to better understand my upbringing.
Some time passed and a Christian church was started in my village. My family started attending church, but it wasn't too serious because my mom still did her witchcraft thing and I had no clue what was going on. I went to school like other kids in my home village, and when I finished 5th grade I had nowhere else to go because our village school only went up to 5th grade. If you wanted to study beyond that, you would have to pay, because secondary school is not free in my country like middle and high school are here in America.
What is more, attending school beyond the 5th grade meant that I would have to leave my family and home because there were no secondary schools close to us. I can remember crying when I realized I had reached the end of my educational journey, because I loved going to school, but my mom had no money to send me on her own. Never one to give up, my mom began asking around to see if anyone in other villages would be willing to help her and allow me to live with them so I could keep going to school.
At 13 years old, I left my family to live with complete strangers just so I could continue my education. The next eight years were a series of moving from one house of strangers to the next in hopes of finishing high school. In the best of situations, the families tolerated my presence with indifference; in the worst of situations I endured verbal and emotional abuse while essentially living as an indentured servant. I worked hard to try and earn my keep at each house, trying desperately not to be a burden. However, I was always keenly aware that I was not a part of their family and ultimately viewed as just one more mouth to feed in a land that had been listed as the world's number one poorest country for years. (It is currently listed as number seven.)
During that season, I can remember feeling so hopeless at times. I would often go off by myself and cry, and strangely enough, I would find myself saying out loud, “He knows.” I had no formal knowledge of God and I definitely did not have a personal relationship with Him, but somehow I still knew that there was a God who was watching out for me. I knew that He had seen everything I was experiencing and somehow understood that He cared about me.
Throughout the years, there was always a thread of Christian influences in my life. However, I had yet to see pure Christianity lived out in truth as witchcraft was so ingrained in our culture. Each time a church was established, the traditional religions and witchcraft would slowly creep in and contaminate the Gospel.
In 2011, I found myself back in Manhangane still chasing after my dream of earning a high school diploma. A youth minister, who played a great role in my life, had moved to our village and was working with the local kids and young adults. Still lacking a true grasp of Jesus or what living a life dedicated to Christ truly should look like, I had become more involved in the church because of the youth minister’s positive influence.
One day we were talking, and he told me about a Bible school in the capital city Maputo (pronounced “muh-poo-two”), and he told me that I should consider going. I still did not have a high school diploma, and I had no financial means to attend the school, but I remember saying "Yes, I will go to the Bible school." The funny thing is that I said yes without even realizing what I was even saying yes to. I didn’t know what a Bible college really was, let alone understand how this one decision would radically change the trajectory of my life.
In August of 2011, I left home once again, this time to move to Maputo in order to attend the Bible school. After arriving, I quickly learned that this Bible college was operated by a world-renowned international Christian ministry. The fact that I was financially able to attend was a miracle in itself. I would find odd jobs here and there to work just to try to pay for books and one meal a day.
I can remember reaching the end of the month and adding up how much money I had made that month, and the numbers just did not add up. After counting and recounting, the math clearly showed that I had not made enough money to pay the school fees, buy food, and pay my bills. Yet, miraculously, I had somehow been able to pay all of my fees, bills, and still feed myself time after time while attending Bible college. And no, this wasn’t a result of a miscalculation or poor record keeping on my part. I am telling you - the Lord miraculously provided all that I needed during that season.
In 2012, I had a personal encounter with the Lord while attending the Bible college and that moment changed my life forever. During that time, the Lord began showing me that everything I had been through, all the places I had been, the hardship I had endured, had all been for a purpose. He had been by my side, even when I did not know or acknowledge Him. Since then, God has continued to reveal to me that my life and the struggles I have endured have all been for a greater purpose. He showed me that I am not saved just for myself but to share the good news with others. While this is nowhere near the full scope of my entire testimony, this is the portion that I felt led to share with you at this point in this time. As the Lord leads, I hope to recount more of the miracles that God has worked in my life in order to encourage you as you walk your own journey between two worlds.
Still Seen in the Desert Places - L’s Reflections
I have listened to J recount stories from his childhood and share his testimony many times in the years that I have known him. However, when he shared his testimony just this past Sunday at church, the part where he said that he would go off by himself after having been mistreated and find himself saying “He knows” really hit differently this time for some reason. I began to think about the miracle simply in the fact that he had been able to feel the presence of God without truly knowing who He was. How could a boy who had never been taught about God, who lived in a home that actively practiced witchcraft, still know of His existence and goodness? For some reason, it made me think of Hagar in the book of Genesis, and I was suddenly compelled to examine her story a little more closely.
In Genesis chapter 16, we read about a slave named Hagar who belonged to Sarai (later called Sarah), who has been severely mistreated and fled as a result:
Hagar was an Egyptian slave, the property of Sarai. She wasn’t some esteemed religious leader or pious follower of Yahweh, as far as we are told in scripture. She was a marginalized woman of that culture who would have seemed insignificant in the social currency of that time. Yet, interestingly enough, we find that the first recorded account in scripture of an angel of the Lord appearing is to this woman, someone whom many would have considered to be nothing more than an inconsequential slave. And yet God called her by name.
After the angel of the Lord shared that Hagar was with child and would have countless descendants, her response was to immediately declare, “You are the God who sees me” (Genesis 16:13). In the Hebrew, you will find that this phrase “the God sees me” or “one who is seen by God” translates to “El-Roi.” Not only is Hagar the first person to be visited by the angel of the Lord, but she is also the first person in the Bible to give God a new name. I think it is compelling that the first new name used to describe God characterizes Him not as an uncaring God who separates Himself from us completely, but as one who intimately sees and acknowledges us.
As you read through the promises made to her by the angel of the Lord, I am reminded again of God’s great compassion and kindness. This lady was not the wife of Abram, nor was she the one God intended to bear the chosen lineage that He had personally promised Abram. Her son, Ishmael, would actually be the counterfeit of the covenant child that God had ordained His chosen people to descend from. From Hagar’s womb would originate the nations that would oppose, oppress, and attack God’s chosen people. Yet, in His perfect love and compassion, He still saw fit to look down on this woman with love and bless her.
When reading Hagar’s response, I can’t help but wonder if she was astonished herself in light of the overwhelming empathy and kindness of God. The New King James Version version states verse 13 as follows: “Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, ‘Have I also here seen Him who sees me?’” Something about this translation and the way she poses the question at the end makes me envision Hagar standing in awe and asking almost incredulously as the gravity of the situation slowly sinks in, “Wait, have I really just encountered the Living God? And you mean to tell me that He actually sees and cares about me?” I cannot imagine what she must have felt, this woman who had been compelled to run away to the desert to escape the life she had been dealt, to know that the same God who created the Heavens and the earth knew her personally by name.
And then while reading about Hagar, in my mind’s eye, I suddenly see my husband as a boy. I envision him in the middle of the remote African bush, sneaking away to be alone so that no one would see him cry. I imagine him homesick for his mom and siblings, feeling unwanted and uncomfortable in the homes of strangers who had agreed to take him in but did not accept or want him as a part of their family. This little boy who had only known witchcraft and might have heard of God in passing, but had no true knowledge of Him, must have felt so very alone, and my heart breaks for him.
And just like with Hagar, God - our loving, compassionate Father - looked down and saw this little Mozambican boy in his season of despair. El-Roi, the God who sees, gazed at that future man of God and had compassion on him. I envision my husband crying and saying the words “He knows” out loud, all by himself underneath a tree, in an unfamiliar village. He whispers it at first, because He doesn’t want anyone to hear and risk inviting the wrath of those who already barely tolerate him. But as he cries and repeats the words, “He knows,” I picture him slowly gaining more confidence in the phrase, even though he doesn’t even quite understand why he feels compelled to say that or who that “He” even is. And in this intimate exchange, I believe that the first seeds of faith were planted in the heart of this little boy, and I cannot help but to believe that God honored that mustard seed of faith.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I feel compelled to tell you as I am writing this that God sees you. Perhaps life’s circumstances have led you to believe that God has turned away from you or that He has never seen or acknowledged you to begin with. That, my friend, is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Psalms 139:13-16 (NIV) says:
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
Just as my husband came to realize, you have been created for a purpose that is so much bigger than you or the season that you may currently be experiencing. Maybe you were not raised in a Christian home or you have never accepted Christ as your Savior. Perhaps you think that you have done too much or gone too far astray to ever deserve the gaze of a loving Father to land on you. Well, I have news for you - none of us deserve his love, but that is the great paradox (in the eyes of human logic) of God’s grace. You can’t earn it. Your status doesn’t secure you a seat at His table. Your accolades, regardless of even the best of intentions, all fall flat at the feet of Yahweh, the God who created the universe. There is no secret trick in regards to getting God the Father to notice you. All that you have to do is turn to Him and simply be seen.
Papa God, I thank You for each and every person who is reading this right now. I especially lift up those who may be feeling as though they are invisible and that it is them against the world. Lord, You are the God who sees us, El-roi. Just as You turned Your gaze to Hagar and allowed her to experience your presence in her desert moment, I humbly ask that You would allow us to feel Your loving presence in this very moment wherever we each may be. And in the same manner that You unveiled J’s eyes so that he could suddenly see Your hand in every season of his life, please reveal to each individual reader how You have always been right by their side, even through the most difficult of times. Father, I thank You for loving us enough to call us by name and that You endeavor to show us Your love in countless ways each and every day. Help us to know and trust Your heart, even when we cannot see Your hand. We love You so much, and we ask all of these things in Jesus’ precious Holy name. Amen.